7/11 WWE SmackDown Part Three: The Wedding Is Back On
WWE SmackDown Not Quite Live Blog, Part Three
Jesse and Festus def. Zach Ryder and Curt Hawkins
Vladimir Kozlov def. Stevie Richards
La Familia argues
Edge and Big Show match ended prematurely
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Segment Nine:
Who is more dastardly then Ryder and Hawkins? No one. They do Vickie Guerrero’s evil bidding, they’re extremely cowardly, and in this match they get themselves counted out on purpose. Why would they do that? So they end-of-the-match bell rings and Festus returns to his catatonic state. How craven? How horrible? How mean?
Their stupid tactic backfires when Jesse re-rings the bell and Festus goes crazy again. Jesse and Festus’ Of Mice and Men redux is already tired in my book. And I can’t get their Biscuits and Gravy theme song out of my mind. ARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!
Segment Ten:
Is Stevie Richards a step-up in competition for Vladimir Kozlov? I guess. Kozlov puts Richards in a body scissors and the Russian appears to be twice as big as his Philadelphia opponent. Stevie attempts a few falls (which fail) before Kozlov puts him down with a headbutt.
Segment Eleven:
Trouble in paradise. Thankfully the boring wrestling ends and we’re back to the soap opera plot. Did I just say that? Anyway, Ryder, Hawkins, Chavo Guerrero, Edge, and Bam Neely are together and arguing.
Edge says Chavo was throwing him under the bus when talking to Vickie (TRUE). Hawkins tells Chavo he doesn’t contribute (FALSE). Edge wants ringside support from his boys. They’re not really having it. Some friends! Vickie wheels herself in and threatens axeing if A) anyone joins Edge at ringside or B) if Edge doesn’t fight Big Show.
Remind me never to get into a relationship with Vickie Guerrero. She tells Edge to take his beating like a man if, in fact, he is a man. Whoa!
Segment Twelve:
Big Show comes into the ring and we’ve got twenty minutes for a non-DQ match. Yes! Big Show introduces himself to Edge with a big slap to Edge’s chest and then proceeds to beat him senselessly outside the ring. Edge spears Big Show and they’re both down outside the ring. Vickie is sitting in the introduction area peering in with soulless conniving before wheeling down to the ringside area. Does this mean that she will fire herself?
While we were gone at commercial a kendo stick has appeared. Edge uses it on Big Show but it doesn’t work. Big Show dismantles the stairs, does some slapping and tosses Edge into the ringside crowd. Edge counters with a flying leap which fells the giant.
SYMBOLISM ALERT. Edge grabs the kendo stick and the camera angle shows the six-foot stick protruding from his midsection. The formerly-emasculated male figure now has power.
The action move back into the ring where Edge hops on Big Show’s back putting him into a sleeper hold. But the sleep doesn’t set in. Big Show does some slapping and headbutting but Edge counters Big Show’s chokeslam with a partially-realized DDT. Edge gains advantage with a kick to the crotch and a steel chair to the head. It looks like more chair damage but Big Show magically revives and chokeslams the Rated R Superstar.
It’s close to over now. A prone Edge is nearing a painful steel chair-induced hurting.
But but but but wait! Vickie Guerrero stops the match and hugs her former fiance. She feels pity for the poor guy as she strokes her hand through his luscious long blond hair. The crowd is raining vitriol on the star-crossed couple.
Vickie and Edge are now staring lovingly into each others eyes. Vickie tells him she loves him and that she’s sorry. Edge loves her too and wants her to marry him. She joyfully accepts and they exchange a gooey, rabid kiss. All this is done silenty and without microphone amplification. The only noise is the cascade of crowd dissatisfaction. We assume that the wedding is on for next week.
Tags: big show, chavo guerrero, curt hawkins, edge, festus, jesse, smackdown, Vickie Guerrero, WWE, Zach RyderRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Wrestling
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